Potty training is a big step for kids, and can be stressful for parents, too. But when a child has been through something scary or is feeling anxious, learning to use the toilet can become even more challenging.
Why Trauma and Anxiety Make a Difference in Potty Training
Trauma doesn’t have to be a huge, dramatic event. For kids, it might mean:
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Medical procedures that felt frightening
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Parents separating
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Changing caregivers
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Moving to a new home
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Losing someone they love
Even everyday worries—like fear of falling in, the loud flush, or embarrassment about accidents—can feel really big to a young child.
Signs Your Child Might Be Struggling
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Avoids the bathroom or refuses to sit on the toilet
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Holds in poop, leading to constipation
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Starts having accidents after being trained (regression)
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Has big emotional reactions around potty time
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Says they’re scared or cries about going
These aren’t “bad behaviors.” They’re ways of saying, “I’m scared and don’t know how to handle this.”
Ways to Support Your Child
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Stay Calm and Patient
Pressure and punishment don’t help—they often make fears worse. Instead, offer gentle encouragement and celebrate little successes. -
Keep Routines Predictable
Kids feel safer when they know what to expect. Try to keep potty times and daily schedules as consistent as possible. -
Use Play to Work Through Fears
Play is a child’s language. Acting things out with dolls, drawing, or telling stories can help them process scary feelings in a safe way. -
Acknowledge Their Feelings
Saying something like, “I see this is really scary for you,” helps your child feel understood. -
Avoid Power Struggles
Make potty training a team effort. Let your child feel some control by offering choices (which potty to use, when to try).
When to Seek Extra Help
If your child’s fears seem very big, last a long time, or if potty training becomes a constant battle, it might be time to get professional support. Play therapy is designed just for kids—it helps them share worries through play, at their own pace, in a way that feels safe.
We’re Here for You
At Manhattan Play Therapy, we understand the ups and downs of childhood. If potty training has become a stressful topic in your family, you’re not alone. We’re here to help you and your child feel more comfortable and confident—one small step at a time.